It's Going to Lead Somewhere -- Susan Watkins

(Reflection on Outside Reading)

"The problem is not anger. Anger is just your body's way of telling you that your will has been blocked. Anger itself is not the problem. It's what you do with that anger. Jesus became angry, and it led Him to heal and help the people around him. So ask yourself, is your anger leading to a more peaceful word? Ask yourself where your anger will lead, because it is going to lead somewhere."

- Rob Bell (paraphrased), Nooma -- Store

Anger. That's a hard emotion for me. I am not generally an angry person, just because things roll off my back pretty quickly and I don't get upset very easily. However, when I do get angry, I have a lot of trouble expressing it, and so this quote really caught my attention.

When I was in high school, I was anger-deficient. I think I was afraid that if I got angry with someone, they would stop liking me and we wouldn't be friends anymore. That fear kind of crippled me, so throughout high school I can count the number of fights I had with friends on two hands. I stopped voicing anger altogether, generally just kind of suppressing it until it faded or I reasoned myself out of it. This seemed to work for a while but, go figure, was actually incredibly detrimental.

I probably reached the peak of this problem in the beginning of college. I think that somewhere along the way, I wrongly convinced myself that anger was a sin. I convinced myself that anger inherently meant I was being selfish or self-righteous. However, this is untrue. Ephesians 4 says,

"26 Be angry, but do not let it lead you to sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.... 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NASB and NIV)

Anger is not the problem. It's what you do with it.

It wasn't until last Spring and this Fall that I've really begun working on this problem, trying to learn to express anger in a healthy way. I realized that it's actually more loving for me to honestly express my anger than bottle it up, for two reasons: one, it is more honest. It gives the other person a better chance to know the real me, to see who I am. Two, if there is an injustice going on which has gotten me angry, it should be corrected. I am not helping anyone by letting them go on mistreating those around them. And so, it is better to express anger in a healthy way than to bottle it up.

So, that's where I am. I'm trying to understand what "healthy anger" looks like, and it is no easy task. I hate conflict naturally, so to willingly enter it is counter to my entire being. However, as I work on it I start to see that it really is better. I feel better, I am more honest, and I just feel so sure that this is the better way to love the people around me, even if they get frustrated with me for a while. I'm excited to see how it progresses and hope I keep learning.