Truth Larger than Reality - Susan Watkins

(Reflection on Outside Reading)

"Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things - trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."

- Puddleglum; CS Lewis' The Silver Chair

[context: Puddleglum and the children-heroes of the book are trapped in the underground kingdom of a witch. She is slowly mesmerizing them and trying to convince them that there is actually no world aboveground, that they have lived their whole lives in darkness and only dreamed of the light and fresh air in Narnia. She has almost succeeded her hypnosis when Puddleglum manages one more valiant speech (above) and breaks the spell.]

The first time I read this passage, it rocked my world. I remember it clearly: it was my senior year of high school. When my mother asked me if I wanted to buy a class ring, I thought about it and realized, "No. I'd rather just spend the $300 or however much on books and music. I'm likely to use those for a much longer time than wear high school ring." She was a little surprised, but assented and the purchase I made was ( to her surprise, and actually to mine as well ) the complete Chronicles of Narnia and a box set entitled The Essential C.S. Lewis. I had almost zero experience with Lewis but knew enough about him to be curious and willing to bet this would be a good investment. Thankfully, I was right.

When I bought the books, I naturally began reading them immediately. I flew through the Chronicles, which are simply written. All of the books were interesting to me, though at that point I didn't appreciate them as well as I do now. However, there were two passages in the series which quite frankly halted my reading altogether. I read them and couldn't bring myself to go on right away. I needed to pause, to just mull over those beautiful strange words.

This was the second of the two, and probably the one I like better. At the time I had been a Christian for about two years and growing fairly consistently. Still, as I'm sure most Christians would agree, there were moments where my faith seemed empty and my certainty was far from strong. I doubted then, and I doubt now, and this passage is still one of the most relevant I have found to cope with such a doubt.

I had never, ever in my life considered the fact that belief in Christ might be the best thing in the world even if Christ Himself weren't real. I had always thought that naturally, if Christ is indeed real then it is best to believe in Him, but that if He isn't real then perhaps we are really all being very foolish. I had never grappled with the idea that if this world is really quite alone, if we really are as tired and broken and hopeless as we often feel, that it would still be worthwhile to live a life of generosity and selflessness and love and forgiveness. That belief in Christ instead of atheism is better even if we're wrong and don't "get anything back" in terms of the afterlife. That the hope in Christ is better than hopelessness even if we're wrong. Because in the right here and right now of the world, the life Christ calls us to is far more adventurous and exciting and joyful and colorful and full of awe than anything the rest of the world has to offer us.

Do I think you should attempt to live a life of belief in Christ if your heart isn't actually convinced, deep down inside, that He is in fact real? No. I really don't think it's possible -- at best it's hollow and at worst it's absolutely destructive.

But I do believe that no matter the apparent physical reality of Christ or apparent lack thereof, there are desires inside us which are for things far greater and more beautiful and more wild than anything this world has to offer and that to ignore them is death.

I do believe that we will never be satisfied with this world because we were meant for more, and that even if our only glimpse of that world is in a dream or in a myth, it is the truth and better than anything we could attempt here.