a friend's sweat lodge experience

by Kelly Moody

he was scared that he would pass out. his heart was beating fast, and he wouldn't sweat. he wouldn't let go. his ego was forming this solid boundary all around him, and the heat, the chanting, the darkness, was eating at that wall, slowly. it was over 200 degrees in that hut, he said. it was more intense than i could have ever imagined. i had such empathy for everyone around me. suddenly we were in this rebirth together. i couldn't have done it alone. this sweat lodge was in canada, where my friend john journeyed a couple of weeks ago.

---"there was a shaman who took us, sacred tobacco smoke, crawling into the hole of the pitch black entrance. the blanket i was sitting was absolutely completely soaked when i got out, he noted. so he lost his ego for a bit. when he started sweating, finally "it was as if suddenly i took on the whole world's pain, the whole world's sorrow, tears just streamed down my face, my body, teared, my eyes teared, the wall was down" he was in a sudden trance-- another world, he saw a hawk fly through the sky, in the sky of his mind, and later he found out the significance of this spirit animal, 'sitting hawk' appropriately labeled to him. some people pass out, he says. some have to leave, that can't deal with the extreme heat anymore. hot rocks sat in a big towering pile in the middle of the hut. when someone was let out, for a brief moment, i could see the steam rising off of my skin. the toxins flowing out, the good energy staying in, the bad flowing, flowing..the oxygen was so low, i could not even speak, when it was my turn to speak about my purpose. the only thing i could do was let out a brief noise, a sign of life. a pityful puff of voice. some things are beyond words, many things are beyond words, and in a moment like this, the physical inability to speak may be the best handicap. it may not be a handicap at all. when we finally left, he said, we went into 20 degree air, and it was so overwhelming, i couldn't stand, my head turned in on itself, it felt as though i had suddenly gained a massive hangover, the frigid air felt amazing on my skin but terrible in my lungs, the oxygen was overwhelming. i felt like some other person. like just being born.