banging on some pots- the drum circle

By Janelle Esposito

The drum circle gave my heart a sense of presence it was longing for. Initially, I was excited by the drum circle, until I realized that it involved EVERYONE drumming. I am a girl of little inhibitions, but every time I have tried to do anything involving rhythm, people stare at me funny. All of a sudden, I get reduced to a child. Patronizing me, my peers or family would attempt to help my rhythm. For me, their processes were too methodical. I am a person who needs to feel things out (this is why music, science and math are foreign concepts to me.) After we walked barefoot on the soft ground in a circle three times, I uneasily began my "drumming." I had a cast-iron skillet and a stick (perfect because the kitchen is my domain). I felt a little anxious when I realized my skillet created a higher pitch than most of the rhythmic instruments in the circle. When I hit it, I thought that everyone could hear it.

Sometime during our first drumming round, I realized my rhythm or the loud pitch of the pot didn't matter. No one in this circle were performing- it was a different sort of music- one that came from feeling and not the knowledge of note reading. I eased up and start banging louder. As I felt a greater connection to those around me in the circle, I let go of my distracting thoughts and inhibitions. I just played. I felt like a child again.

Experiences like these make me long to be somewhere else. I am not content living in this society. I have societal standards I need to meet if I want to "fit in." I am already eccentric enough to stick out like a sore thumb at this college, and for a long time, I didn't care. I felt free to be me. Now, I'm falling into a self-consciousness I used to have when I was in high school in Northern Virginia. Wanting basic acceptance from a general group, blending has seemed like a better option. However, this drum circle has taught me that we're all a little weird. And everyone of us, if taken away from this place, into an oral culture, would be released from the bonding chains of literate, consumer society. And we would feel free to be the people we've been created to be. An inhabitant of American culture, I long every day for the following things:

I long for a loving and genuine community.
I long to be out in nature everyday.
I long to dance and sing and shout as loud as I'd like whenever I want.
I long to be more people-oriented than task-oriented.
I long to no longer put my identity in my possessions or my tastes, but in who I truly am.
I long to do things that serve other people, rather than just myself ( for example always have to write papers and do homework in isolation to get a better grade).
I long not to worry, but just be.

I think if we're honest, we each want all these things and even more.
Within the drumming circle, I felt a sense of this outside culture. Even though we are literate peoples we are still human like oral peoples are and we still have the same basic needs. Some of these needs were released just by a simple act like banging on some pots.